Vent Sesh

You know what, my life is so NOT perfect right now, and it it soooo NOT what I had pictured my life to be 8 years into being married with three kids.  I mean, did I really think that I would be living in the basement apartment at my mil's house...hell no.  My husband is constantly gone, and when he is around, its all about his books and schoolwork.  I feel like me and the kids are totally on the backburner, and I am just there to cook, clean and do laundry.   I feel like I am a broke, single mom but only worst because I don't get to have every other weekend with the kids, its 24/7.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death, but sometimes I need a freaking break, and a husband.  I did not get married and have kids to do it all by myself.  There is a reason why it takes two people to make a baby.  And to raise them.  Ugh.  And I miss home.  It's so hard to be away for so long. Somedays I wish I could take the kids to mim's and papi's, and to see their cousins.  And with the holidays coming around he corner it makes me think about it even more.  We have gone trough so much crap in the last 8 ears and seriously enough his enough!  We have had some awesome times back in the day, and I just wish I could rewind time and freeze it right then a few years ago when things were really really good.  And to thing I took it all for granted and now looking back at it all, I realize I was one lucky girl.  We had money, we could go do things as a family, had date night every weekend,  husband that was there for me and helped out, I could go shopping when I wanted and we really lived it up.  As petty as that may sound, i don't care cuz I was happy.  Everything I had ever wanted I had. I feel like people look at us now and think how loserish we are when we have three kids and living at mama's house.  Really though, its true.  And who are they to judge because they don't know us and what we have been through.  You really think if I had a choice I would wanna go through all this crap?  NO!  You know what, This is reality, and there is nothing I can do about it.  And really I am sick of being patient and waiting and waiting and WAITING for something good to come along.  I hate waiting for things.  Esspecially when I have kids and I feel like we can't even provide for them like we should.  *sigh*...... Am I just really unrealistic about things that I want in my life, I mean I think I deserve the little things in life that make me happy, right?  I am just having a really hard time with things right now.  ugh.  Anyway, enough with the sob story.  Feels good to let it out once in a while, try it, you will thank me.